I Don't Want To Forget
by Serenity's Ghost
Summary: Nina gets warned about Rex's blackouts and things start to unwind. Rex & Original Character Nina. Sequel to 'Visitor'.
1. Chapter 1

'**Tis yours truly again, Serenity's Ghost, with another continuation (yes, I'm sorry and I know it must be frustrating that you need all these background stories). Well I hope you can enjoy this, even if you decide not to read the others 'Make Me Fall' and 'Visitor'. Enjoy.**

~o~

**Nina's Point of View**

Doctor Holiday called me into her office bright and early on Monday morning. Maybe it should have sounded like trouble, since she expressly stated that it had nothing to do with my own health, but Christmas was at the end of the week and I was on a high. Christmas was my favourite time of year. Somehow I had convinced the White Knight to let me get a small Christmas tree for my room. I was going to put it in the foyer but then I realised that some people might have considered it inappropriate. Usually, I did what I wanted but now I was trying to be a better person. Since our last fight about Circe, White and I hadn't had an argument. My spine injury had totally healed a week ago, the week after we'd gone to the beach, and I was glad to be up and about, doing my usual up and down.

I walked into her office and her expression wasn't grave but it wasn't cheerful either. Her mind reeked of what she was about to tell me but I tried not to tune in. I was trying desperately to ignore it. She would tell me herself.

"Good morning, Holi. Start with the bad news," I said, right off the bat. "I'm dying, aren't I? That's why you said it had nothing to do with my health. Because I have none, right?" She laughed and I felt better knowing that the issue wasn't so horrible that she couldn't laugh. I walked over and had a seat on the bed of the CT scanner.

"No, no. I'm here to talk to you about Rex," she answered.

"You're going to tell me that you're not going to let me have him all to myself, aren't you? Oh, Doc, I might be okay with that because it's you, but think of how Six would feel." She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, please. Be serious for a minute." I looked at my bare wrist and began to quietly count backwards from sixty. "Nina." I stopped counting, looked up at her and smiled.

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Like you don't already know. You probably read that off my mind ages ago."

"Actually, I'm suppressing it, so no. I'm waiting for you to tell me."

She took a breath and let it go and then looked straight at me with serious eyes.

"You know about Rex's memory blackouts, don't you?" she asked me.

"Yeah. I followed him to Hong Kong that one time when he slashed his PDA." She nodded.

"I heard. Therefore, you should be aware that the possibility of it happening again is not small." I nodded and looked out the glass window feet away from me.

"There's nothing I can do about that though."

"Will you be prepared to stay with him if he does? He'll forget all about you, too." I shrugged.

"I'm in love with him. I have no choice. I wouldn't ever want to leave him when he's vulnerable like that. Besides, he has his journal, doesn't he?" My eyes darted back to her, my head still in the direction of the glass to my left.

"I don't think you're taking this seriously, Nina. If he forgets, there is a chance that he won't fall in love with you again when he's learning about his old memories. You'll have to tell all your stories over again and if you become friends, that love you have now may never blossom again. You realise that, don't you?"

I turned my head back to her and looked her in the eyes for a long moment before raking a hand through my hair.

"He might not love me again, but I always will and I will tell every story I've ever told and more if I have to. I'll make him fall in love with me again. He'll still be the same old Rex. Chances are the same stimuli will have the same effect on him. He'll still like rock music, he'll probably still be best friends with Noah, he'll probably still be close to Six like a kid to his cooler but kind of scary uncle and he'll still like this reckless, tattooed, foul-mouth of a girl...probably."

"And if he doesn't fall for you again?"

"Then that's my cross to bear, if you'll excuse the religious reference. I'll stay by his side if we're friends and I'll find a way to give him his space if we aren't. I've let go of people before. I can still do it...I think."

"Yes, but they came back at some point. If Rex blacks out, I don't think he's going to come back."

"Are you trying to discourage me, Doctor Holiday?"

"No, Nina. I'm just making sure that you're prepared to deal with this if you're serious. You have to anticipate that something like this could happen and know how to react. You have to make those decisions sooner rather than later."

"I'll leave Providence if I have to, if we can't get along. You managed without me before. You can do it again."

"Where will you go? Providence needs you now."

"They don't. And I've always been a nomad. I'll go back to that."

"No, Nina. I can't let you do that."

"I'll always have Zane to dig me out if I need it. Knowing him, he'd probably buy me a house just to make me stay put."

"And Circe, Bobo and Noah? They're your friends, too, remember? Circe's going to lose her reason for being here if you leave."

"Circe's gotta grow up and find her resolve sometime, doesn't she?"

"Nina!"

"Okay, okay. So I didn't mean that. If it becomes a problem...leaving is my best option. Rex won't have to see me, and I won't be forced to see him and remember all those painfully sweet memories we had together. Win-win."

"No, Nina. It'll hurt you more to be gone. And you've made a permanent mark on all your friends."

"_Our_ friends. See, that's the danger of being too close to your boyfriend and his friends. When things get nasty, people may have to pick sides. Even I'd encourage them to go towards him, though."

"Are you giving up? There's something I never thought I'd see you do. I guess you're not the girl I thought you were."

"Maybe, maybe not. If I try and I fail this time, I can't keep trying. If Rex doesn't like me, I'm not going to make him hate me by irritating him. I'll just keep out of his hair. End of story."

"I'll help if I can, Nina. I won't let this die. You're good for each other. I can see that." I cracked a smile.

"Thanks, Doc. You're good for him, too."

"Well, Rex is important to all of us. We need to do what we can for him." I started for the door, smirking.

"I wasn't talking about Rex."

When I walked out, Rex was right at the door and looked shocked to see me walk out.

"Nina," he said. "Uh, hey." I put my hands on my hips and gave him a look.

"How long have you been eavesdropping?" He scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Eavesdropping? I wasn't eavesdropping...Okay, I heard the whole thing." I smiled.

"I'm a bad influence. Let's go get breakfast."

"We should talk about this." I looped my arm through his and we started walking down the hall.

"If you want." He stopped.

"Not 'if I want'. We have to. Doctor Holiday is right. I could black out at any time and...and...I...I don't want to lose you." His face was sincere and worried. I decided we should head to his room instead so I started to pull him in that direction. This was not a hallway discussion.

"You don't want to lose me?" I repeated. He gave a half-smile.

"That's what I said. Keep up." I smiled back and I put my arms around him and hugged him to me.

"Don't use my own retort against me. You need to stop hanging around with me."

"But I love you. I don't want to. Ever. I could never not like you."

"You never know."

"Don't say that. I want to love you forever so I'll do what I can to make sure that I'll always be in love with you."

"I'll make you fall for me all over again."

"And I'll just fall. Because you're everything I could ever need."

I let go of him and took a seat on his bed. He followed and came to sit next to me, taking my hand in his and holding it on his leg. We sat in silence for a long time, not awkwardly, but more appreciatively. I removed my hand from his but wrapped my arms around him and leaned into his chest, his arm coming around my waist and holding me to him.

"Can I tell you a secret, Rex?"

"Anything. You know I'm here for you."

"That's just it. I need you. I don't know if I could be okay again without you. Maybe, on the off chance that we both end up in a huge disagreement and we mutually decide to break up, I might be able to be without you, but I think it's pretty much impossible. We have nothing to fight about. I love you and I'll always love you because what I feel for you, what I know about you, is real and honest and genuine. It's absolute. And just the thought of losing you, despite all the bravado I put on, it makes me feel so nervous and so uncomfortable and so depressed that I have to shove it behind a wall and forget about it or else I'll go insane. You're my world, Rex. Losing you would be worse than dying."

His free hand came to lift my face off of his chest and his lips came down on mine urgently, sending my whole body alight with an electric pulse. His tongue started search for mine and found it, touching and twisting and caressing in a way that sent my hunger for him into hyper-drive. I had to fight down the urge to climb onto his lap and push him onto his bed. He was getting better at this French kissing thing after just a week of practice. It made my heart melt and my hunger go alight when he kissed me like that. What was he doing to me?

Every touch of his tongue was making me that much closer to losing it. Maybe it was my fault because I started it, because I had kissed him that way first, more than giving him the validation for it. I couldn't be sorry. Nothing in the world could be worth missing out on this feeling, even if it was weakening my resolve to not cross certain lines that other people had already crossed at my age. He wouldn't cross it, for sure. I knew I was in good hands. I knew I wouldn't either. But moments like this made me consider if we did...

His lips lifted off of mine, his tongue leaving mine and there was this look in his eye like he had been thinking the same thing that I had. After a few seconds, the corners of my lips turned up and his lips mirrored mine.

"Hungry?" he asked. I grinned.

"Yeah."

"Let's go get some food."

"Yeah, I'm hungry for that, too." He laughed and we got off his bed and headed out the door. He gave me a hug as we walked and then let go too soon.


	2. Chapter 2

~o~

**Rex's Point of View**

I found myself contemplating what she had said way after she was in her room. I lay on my bed after I'd had a bath after the training for the day. Nina was in the bath so I was alone. Why did I have to eavesdrop? Now I was actually considering it.

Nina had said that she needed me. The last thing I wanted to do was let her down. But if I had a blackout, I inevitably would. It would hurt her. She would have to spend all her time trying to remind me of who she was, who I was, who we were and what we had. She wouldn't be able to act normally with me. She'd have to hold back and wait until I gelled back into the tide of life. And what then? What if after that it happened again? She'd have to start all over again. Knowing her, she'd do it. She'd do it a million times if it meant that we could be together. But I didn't want her to have to. I couldn't do that to her. She deserved better.

What about me? I loved her a lot. I probably needed her a lot more than I wanted to admit. She had told me that her world wouldn't be okay without me. I felt the same for sure. So was I strong enough to let her go? It was the better alternative to let her go before I hurt her. She had said before that she had nothing to offer me and that she didn't want to add to my problems. At that time I didn't realise that I would add to _hers_. Talk about blind. How could I miss something like _that_?

I covered my eyes with my arm. My world felt like it was being sucked into a big black crack in the Earth. I knew I had to let her go before things got any worse. I couldn't let it get so bad that we began to consider something like marriage and realise that we couldn't let go of each other. I couldn't form an absolute attachment and risk not being able to do the right thing. Did I need her now? Yes. But I had a bigger obligation to do the right thing, to do right by her. She couldn't love me forever, could she? She could get over me. I wasn't that special.

I would hate to do this to her so close to Christmas. She loved Christmas. But I couldn't afford to let any more time pass. We only got stronger every day. Every kiss only served to draw us further into each other's universes.

My phone went off and Nina was texting me to tell me that she was out of the bath and in her room. I considered just texting 'goodnight' to her and staying there but I thought maybe I'd die of guilt in my sleep. I got up and slowly trekked to her room. I'd have to start now, but I couldn't make it too obvious or else she'd notice and get upset. I had to keep my mind blank or else she'd realise where my mind was going and for sure, she'd get mad and this would take a direction I was not intending.

The door opened and she was there in her shorts and tee-shirt, smiling at me. Circe was granted her own room a little further down the hall the day after we went to the beach as an official member of the Providence family. But she and Zane were out on a date for the whole day. She came out to meet me. We both knew when we were alone behind closed doors, we ended up with swollen lips and thin breaths. And we sometimes got caught. And none of us had the will to stop.

Despite my efforts to smile and look normal, her smile quickly wiped off her face.

"What's the matter, Rex? Feeling unwell?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah. Feeling really run down and a bit dizzy." I had resorted to lying. In my book, this was one of those desperate times when I thought a lie was almost necessary.

"Oh, poor baby. Then why'd you leave your room? I could have come to you," she said, rubbing my arm.

"I...just came to say a quick goodnight."

"Alright. You're too sweet." She took me into her embrace and I tried my best not to let the pain of my action get to me. I held her to me for a moment, taking in her sweet scent. This would be the last time I'd allow myself to get this close to her. She stepped back and she looked me in the eyes. I turned away before it could turn into a kiss and started back down the hall.

"Goodnight, Nina. I need to get back to bed. See you in the morning."

"Uh, yeah, goodnight, Rex. I hope you feel better, babe. I love you!" I cringed at the sound of that last part. I had already told myself not to say it back. I was only glad that I couldn't see her face. I was surprised she didn't come after me to ask me if I was really, really unwell or something. I was surprised she was letting me act like this.


	3. Chapter 3

~o~

**Nina's Point of View**

A week. A whole week. A whole damn week. Rex been unwell or something like that. I was getting worried. And pissed. He spent all his free time in his room and when I knocked on the door and asked to come in, I got no answer, like he thought I didn't know he was there. Had I said too much? Had I gone overboard by telling him exactly how much I needed him? Was this my fault? I scoffed at my own thought in my room on that Friday night as I dressed for Christmas Eve Mass. Of course it was my fault. Right about now, I was one of the people who could affect him the most and he spent most of his time with me...or at least he used to.

I tied the skinny black tie around my neck and added some accessories and tried my best to stop thinking about it too much. Right now I needed to clear my mind. Zane was outside half a minute later, calling to tell me he was ready to go and outside. I ran past Rex's room where I just knew he was and just ran down the hall into foyer. Six was there and so was Holiday so I said bye and headed to the front door and got into Zane's convertible.

"Well, you don't look very happy," he commented.

"Not now, Zane. I'm just not in the mood." He drove off.

"All the more reason to talk to me. It's about Rex, I see."

"And I thought I was the mind reader."

"You have that 'man-problem' look on your face. It's different from the 'I'm frustrated', 'I'm tired' and 'I wanna kill someone' looks, although it and the last one are very close. Come on, spill." I exhaled, giving in.

"Rex is avoiding me. He's barely spoken to me, hasn't had breakfast with me, hasn't hugged or kissed me for the whole week. Any free time he has he spends barricaded in his room and he won't let me in. The other day I told him I loved him and...he...didn't respond."

"Hmm. Do you have any idea what could have brought this on?"

"I...told him how much I needed him that day. But he was fine all day. It was only that evening he told me he wasn't feeling well and it was after that."

"Did you think maybe it's not you, but him? Maybe he's got a lot on his mind."

"Yeah, but why wouldn't he tell me? He tells me everything. We're closer than best friends."

"Maybe he doesn't know what to get you for Christmas." I scoffed.

"I doubt. He's being _hostile_. If he was confused he'd have asked Six or Holi or something and Six would have, like, asked me and tried to pass it off as nothing. It just doesn't make sense. And it seems like it's occurred to him to block his thoughts because I've tried to read it off his head but he's trying not to think about whatever it is."

"We all know that won't stop you. You could force yourself into his thoughts. Just touch him and you'll get all his past thoughts for a while."

"I'm not going to force him to let me know, Zane. If he wants to avoid me, then fine. I love him and I won't do anything that would make him hate me."

"Smart girl. But it seems like things are already bad enough."

"I'm waiting until I trip out and hit him and force it out of him. It's bound to happen with my temper. But, for now, while I'm in control, I won't do it."

"Alright. Well, best of luck to you."

"Thanks. I'll need it."

Focusing on Mass was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do because Rex was tugging at the back of my mind. I barely socialised after the mass, just saying a quick 'Merry Christmas' to the priest. I had to beg Zane to drop me home quickly and he reluctantly complied. We were silent for the entire trip and I felt bad. Just as he pulled up in front of Providence, I shook my head and exhaled.

"Zane, I'm so sorry for this. I'm buying myself my own car so I won't be bothering you much. I'm sorry I'm making my problems affect you." He gave a half-smile.

"It's okay. He's your first boyfriend and you love him. I can talk to those people some other time. I understand." He leaned over and kissed my forehead, putting his arms around me for a tight hug for a long moment and I must admit it made me feel a tad bit better. It made me feel not so alone.

"Thanks, Zaney. Merry Christmas, hon."

"Merry Christmas. I'll come by with your present tomorrow."

"Okay. I'll have yours waiting. See you."

"See you." I got out of the car and it sped off. I slowly walked back into the building, through the halls, hands in my jacket pockets. Rex walked out of the hall from the bedrooms at the same time and there was a wary look on his face. I looked at him and decided to turn around and head to the cafeteria and hide from him before I did exactly what Zane had said I would. I heard him exhale as I walked.

"Nina, wait." I stopped and half-turned. "How—how was Mass?"

"Good."

"You went with Zane?"

"Yeah."

"Do—do you have plans for tonight?" I shrugged and turned and started walking away.

"It doesn't matter."

I had had plans. I was planning to sit on top of Providence with him in my arms and whisper into his ear that I loved him and wanted to be with him for as long as he lived, and then at midnight give him his present and he'd love it and I'd kiss him so much, so long and so intense that we'd almost pass out. I hadn't wanted a present. I just wanted to be with him. I sighed as I sat at one of the tables in the darkness and silence to wait for him to return to his room where I didn't have to see him. If he had really been trying to make it right just now, he would have run after me or made me stop. He let me go a little too easily. What had gone wrong with our love?

After ten minutes of my mind telling me that I was a coward for hiding here from him, I walked back out and headed to my room. It was going to be midnight very soon. I went to my room and changed into a short, silky, light pink lace rimmed nightgown Zane had given me as a harassment present and picked Rex's present off my dressing table. After a few seconds of twirling it in my hands, I walked back down the hall and rested it lightly on the floor half an inch from Rex's door. I stood there for a whole minute, wondering if I should have hacked the door and made it open because it was probably locked. Instead, I lifted my hand and knocked twice, turning just as quickly and going back to my room.

I turned on the _Linkin Park_ on my MP4 player and tried to focus on the music until I fell into the oblivion of sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

~o~

**Rex's Point of View**

Those two knocks outside my door could only be Nina. She had been rather cold with me before and it had stung more that I had imagined. _You deserve it, Rex. Serves you right._ I waited a full three minutes before I went to the door and opened it. Of course she was long gone. She wouldn't wait once she realised I was dodging her all week. I was just about to close the door when a light blue box with a ribbon on the top caught my attention. I picked it up and examined it, turning it around in my hands. The bottom had a label which said '_To Rex. From Nina with all the love in the world. I'm glad you're mine_'. I sighed. She'd probably written that before this week. I hadn't even gotten her a present. Things had been madness before and the only time I would have gotten time off to go get her something would have been this week. I had been so focused on trying to stay away from her that I hadn't even gotten her a gift. I had no right to accept hers. She was angry but she gave it to me anyway. I felt even more rotten.

I retreated into my room and sat on my bed. I was about to open it and I glanced at the digital clock to see that it had just struck twelve. It was Christmas and I could open it. I pried the lid off and staring me in the face was a shiny silver dog tag on a chain with my name engraved on it in block letters. I picked it up, admiring its shine and its considerable weight. It was heavy, probably expensive and real precious metals. I turned it around and was surprised to see there was engraving on the back, too. The words were '_The Sun of Nina's Universe_' in an elegant cursive writing. I felt so crumby.

Lights were supposed to already be out, but I ventured down the hall to Nina's room and found her in bed with her MP4 player on rather loudly though she was asleep. She was listening to _Linkin Park_. How that managed to lull her to sleep I couldn't understand. It hit me she was tuning something out. Thoughts maybe? I considered waking her up but decided against it. Instead, I came to her bedside and very softly kissed her closed, perfect lips. The contact was sweet and missed but just as bitter because it was so covert and because there was none of her behind it kissing back.

"Merry Christmas, Nina," I said simply. I would have added the part about loving her, but after what I had done and what I had resolved to continue to do, I knew I couldn't. Heart heavy but empty, I left her room and returned to mine. I was about to put the box on my dressing table but instead I took the chain out of the box and secured it around my neck. Maybe I would send a mixed signal because of it, but I loved her gift and after all the effort she'd put into it, I would wear and appreciate it. Maybe I could at least give her the pride of knowing she was good at choosing presents. Yeah, like _that_ was a substantial feeling. I laid in bed and stared up at the bunk ceiling, feeling utterly crumby and realising that doing the right thing was probably the hardest thing I'd ever do in my life. But if it was the right thing, why is it that it was hurting both of us so much?

Morning came and I felt terrible. I hadn't slept too well and Nina was on my mind from the millisecond consciousness started coming back. It was Christmas but I didn't feel in the least bit festive. All I felt was guilt and pain. I met Six and Holiday in the foyer, standing together and having a cup of something.

"Morning. Merry Christmas," I said, though not feeling like 'merry' was the right word.

"Rex, are you okay? You look terrible," Holiday asked.

"Gee, thanks, Doc."

"It wasn't meant as an insult, Rex. Did you sleep at all last night?"

"I slept. It just wasn't restful." She nodded and her eyes went immediately to the shiny silver tag hanging over my tee-shirt.

"Nice tags," Six said.

"Nina gave it to me. It's pretty heavy. I wonder what it's made from."

"It's a platinum-steel alloy," her voice called from the hall behind me. Her face was unsmiling and she was just leaning in the doorway.

"Merry Christmas, Nina," I said, giving a half-smile.

"Right back at you," she replied, expression not at all changing. Her focus went to Six and Holiday before me. "Do you like your gifts?" I turned, curious. Six pulled four thin throwing knives from behind his belt and Doctor Holiday turned to show me two clear chopsticks with stones on them adorning her hair.

"They're glass encrusted with crystals," she said excitedly to me. I smiled at her.

"They suit you, Doc. So do the knives, Six."

"We love them, Nina. I'm only sorry we didn't get you anything," she said to her.

"I'm just glad you like 'em. That's my gift. You gave me a home, remember," she responded. I closed my eyes for a long moment and resisted the temptation to drop the whole act right there and kneel at her feet and beg her forgiveness.

Zane walked in just then and stopped. Nina's face lit up and she ran into his embrace.

"Hey, Zaney. Merry Christmas."

"You, too, kid. Merry Christmas, guys," he said, acknowledging us. He pointed at a frond on his jacket and grinned. "It's mistletoe. You have to kiss me."

"Never gonna happen, Zane. I have a b—I mean..." She sighed. "You have a girlfriend."

"Oh, come on. What's one kiss between old friends? It's not like I'm stealing your first." She sighed again and then cracked a smile.

"If Circe attacks me, I'm coming for you." In one fluid movement, Zane bent down as she reached up and he captured her lips with his own. My heart sank and my anger flared. What right did she—oh, right, I had been avoiding her lately. I saw Doctor Holiday's eyebrows shoot up and I tried to kill the emotion from my face. After five seconds, they parted and Zane grinned.

"So, that's what I have been missing," he commented.

"Violence is not prohibited just because it's Christmas," she advised, turning and heading in our direction and he followed. "I'll take you to Circe. She was up a few hours after me." She walked past us to the hallway, not even giving me a glance.

"And what time was that?" he asked in the echoing hallway.

"I was up at four."

"Why?"

"Couldn't sleep. Too wound up." From then I ceased to be able to hear them speaking.

"Rex, are you alright with that?" Doctor Holiday asked, eyebrows still up. I shrugged.

"Yeah. Sure. Why not?"

"'Why not'? She's your girlfriend! She's not supposed to be kissing other guys, mistletoe or no mistletoe!" I sighed at the title and looked at the ground. "Uh-oh, what's with that sigh?"

"Can I plead the fifth just this once, Doctor? I don't really want to talk about it." She studied me for a long time and then nodded.

"Alright Rex."

"If you need to talk, we're here for you," Six threw in.

"Thanks, guys, but this time, I dug the ditch for myself. I just gotta deal with it. What ya drinking, anyway?"

"Eggnog. Nina had several bottles shipped here to treat everyone. She even got White a white mug with his name engraved on it," Holiday said. Her eyes returned to my tag. "Platinum-steel, huh? Sounds expensive." Her fingers came to it and she examined it.

"It's engraved on both sides," I told her. She flipped it over and I saw her eyes go soft when she read Nina's inscription.

"Oh, Rex, it's beautiful. Whatever's going on between you two, you have to fix it. You just have to," she said.

"I can't, Doc. I just can't. It's only going to get worse." _Why, Rex? Why did you have to fall in love with her?_


	5. Chapter 5

~o~

**Nina's Point of View**

Thank God for Zane. Had he not come when he had, I probably would have run away again. Maybe I shouldn't have kissed him in front of them like that, or at all. I felt bad about it later. But what was done, was done. If Rex wasn't so intent on ending what we had, maybe I wouldn't have given in to Zane's request.

I exhaled audibly and ran a hand through my hair. It wasn't his fault. I was just an idiot. I was probably trying to hurt him. I probably was the reason why he was backing off anyway. I had my speakers plugged into my MP4 and had the volume blasting out my _Linkin Park_ albums, all 4 of them. I had left Zane alone with Circe despite the invitation to stay, opting instead to mope alone in my room. I wasn't going to push the dagger in my heart any deeper by watching what a happy couple looked like. I used to know.

I didn't know why Rex had come into my room to kiss me last night. Maybe it was just because of the gift, but if he was trying to ditch me, why do it anyway? I didn't understand. Maybe I never would. He didn't seem like he would come talk to me any time soon. Or ever again.

Then another song by another artist began to play. I recognised it and despite how deadly ironic it was, I let it play. 'A Year Without Rain' by _Selena Gomez and The Scene_. It ended and another song started to play.

I pressed the stop button and ran from my room. Rex was a few steps away from my door and I ran straight past him. I needed to get out of there. I ran out of the building and started running across the desert. I needed to get to civilisation. I needed to leave. I needed to clear my head. I needed to take my mind off of him and us and everything. After quite a bit of running, I slowed to a walk and made my way into town. I decided that the first thing I was going to do was buy a car. Sure, it was Christmas day. But I had seen an ad in the paper that some guy was selling his new BMW convertible because he was migrating. Luckily, I remembered the address.

I was met by an odd look from a tall balding guy.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"I want to buy your car."

"Now?"

"Yeah, now. I can write you a check."

"I don't know. I might have to wait for the check to go through and stuff before I can give it to you and it's Christmas."

"Look, I need the car now. I'll give you my cell phone number and address if you want so you can get your money. I just need to get it now."

"Can't this wait?"

"I just said that it couldn't. And no, I'm not running away anywhere. I just need to take a road trip because I'm stressed." The guy considered and then nodded.

"Alright. Write me the check but I still want your cell phone number. You'll need to get some insurance for it, though."

"I'll get it done. Who am I making it out to?"

In about a half an hour the transaction was done and I gave the guy a hug and wished him a merry Christmas before getting in the red convertible, top down and driving away. I gunned the engine, enjoying the feel of the wind in my hair because it made me forget the feeling of Rex's fingers tangled there. I drove in the direction of the town exit and didn't look back. Today would be my day. Mine and Jesus'. Sorta.

It occurred to me that after this purchase my money wasn't really in a safe place so I turned back and headed to Providence. The place was quiet and I managed to get in, get some clothes, my MP4, my toothbrush and toiletries and left a sticky note on my door with the words 'Will be back' on it. Then I ran out, got in my new car and drove out of town. I'd come back. For sure. Next week.


	6. Chapter 6

~o~

**Rex's Point of View**

On his way out, Zane had knocked on my door and shouted to me that it was him. I considered ignoring him, but decided not to. Maybe Nina would tolerate me. Zane wasn't Nina. Something told me he could be a scary demon when he wanted to.

"What's up?" I asked, opening up.

"I'm leaving. Nina just sent to tell Six and Holiday that she'll be back next week. Tell them for me, will you?"

"Next week? Where'd she go? I mean I saw her leave but...where'd she go?"

"Didn't say but from what I saw, she's driving."

"Driving what?"

"A beautiful red BMW convertible. It's hers. She went and bought it."

"Where was she headed?"

"Even if I knew, I wouldn't tell. Goodbye, Rex. Please pass on the message. And I suggest that none of you go looking for her."

As I sat on my bed and remembered the conversation while throwing a ball at the wall, my mind began to wonder where she was going. She didn't say goodbye and when I checked her room, most of her stuff was there, including her sniper rifle, Shield. She was planning on coming back. I'd probably forced her to leave. I wanted to fling myself off the building. I felt so low.

I passed along the message and Holiday was alarmed at first until I told her that she was coming back and that her things were still here. Still she seemed on edge. Six declared that he was going to look for her but I stopped him.

"No, she needs some time. This is my fault."

"Rex, will you tell me what's going on?" Holiday asked, face looking purely worried.

"He's trying to break up with her," Six said flatly.

"How'd you know?" I asked.

"It's bit obvious. Five days ago, they were madly in love. Now they can't get away from each other fast enough. Your teamwork remains pretty unaffected, but your affections have almost completely been suppressed. The only thing I haven't figured out is why." I wondered if I should tell them or if I should have begged to get let off again, but it occurred to me that they would try to force it out of me soon. They both really liked Nina and wasn't happy that she had taken off for the week without asking permission or telling anyone specifically where she was going.

"It's...about my blackouts," I began.

"Oh, no," she exclaimed, covering her hand with her face for a long moment before removing it.

"I just don't want to put her through that so I think it would be better if I just...stayed single. But you can't tell Nina or else she'd probably beat me up for thinking that way."

"Rex, you can't live like that—"

"I have to, Doc. I won't cause anyone any pain."

"But you're already causing her pain!"

"It's only temporary. She'll get over me."

"But you didn't even tell her you were breaking up with her, did you?" Six asked.

"I...want her to decide to leave me. That way it'll be easier for her to get over me."

"You don't know that, Rex." I shook my head vehemently.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. I'm going back to my room." I turned and started leaving.

"Good thing I came and hid here. At least you guys got it outta him," Bobo said from behind me. I groaned and headed to my room faster.

The week was pretty bland without her. It made it easier for me since I didn't have to dodge her all the time but at the same time, it made my head feel at liberty to think all kinds of thoughts about her. It brought up memories of us talking, of her stories, of the feel of my hands running down her back as we kissed...I really had to stop that. Thinking about all the good things made it that much harder. But I was doing the right thing. Right?

The time moved slowly and for a while I forgot that the New Year was coming. Saturday was tomorrow, the first of January.

"Six, will you come shopping with me?" I asked, walking into Doctor Holiday's office where they had been talking. I'd seen them together more often than usual and I thought maybe Nina's words were having an effect on them. I had yet to catch _them_ making out though. Maybe I had to check the broom closets randomly. I chuckled to myself.

"Shopping?" he asked, raising a brow.

"Yeah. I want to get Nina a gift."

"I thought you were breaking up."

"Sure, but I should at least have gotten her something back. It'll be a goodbye present. Maybe we could still be friends."

"That would never end well. You'd both still love each other and it would suck every day knowing that you were bound by the confines of plain friendship," Holiday said.

"Will you come shopping with us, too? You guys could give it to her and tell her it's from you."

"Rex—"

"Oh, come on, Doc. Please. I need to do this." Six sighed and gave me a long look.

"Where do you want to go shopping?" he asked.

"Yay!" I jumped in victory but then sobered quickly. "I don't know what to get her."

"Think, Rex. This is your girlfriend you're talking about. You know what she likes," Holiday scolded.

"Well, I was thinking about getting her tags like the one she gave me but then it hit me since we're not going to be together that that would be a bad idea."

"Maybe you could just put her name on it. But what were you thinking of putting on it exactly?" Six said.

"Besides her name, I was going to put '_The Core to Rex's World_' or something like that, but I guess it sounds kind of stupid, not that it matters anymore."

"It's not stupid, Rex. It's sweet," Holiday said.

"So, just her name on it, then?" he asked.

"Yeah, I guess. She doesn't strike me as a jewellery person apart from that. All she wears are these black stud earrings most of the time."

"Go get ready and we'll go."

"Thanks, Six." I went to my room and gathered up the little cash I had gotten from playing cards with Nina, Bobo and Noah and then we headed out. At least we'd be even after this...or closer to it, anyway.


	7. Chapter 7

~o~

**Nina's Point of View**

It was obvious that Six, Holiday and Rex weren't here. I could just feel it. Better for me, anyway. I'd spent a lot of time away from here and was feeling a bit better. It made me miss being a nomad just a tad. Instead of going straight to my room, I headed to the dark, unlit cafeteria and sat at one of the tables alone. Most of Providence was off.

How could Rex do this to me? How could he break my heart like this? The least he could do was tell me he was giving up on me. Why was he torturing me, leaving me guessing? I didn't understand. How could things go so terribly wrong so quickly?

I looked at the long bandage on my forearm and scoffed. That's what I got for going back to the gambling life. Sure, I needed money, but now I was injured. What about me wouldn't have been too much for Rex? Had it just sunk in how crazy messed up I was? Why did he tell me that he loved me? Did he really feel that way? I reached back to the small scar on my back from my surgery. Rex had said I wasn't allowed to die until we'd been married for almost a billion years. Why had he even given marrying me a thought? I wasn't wife material. I wasn't even girlfriend material. I was crude and unrefined.

He had a right to say something. If he wanted to break things off, all he had to do was say so. I wasn't going to flip out and kill him.

I put my head on the table and closed my eyes for a minute. Back and forth and back and forth. My mind was like that Parisian roundabout. I was getting nowhere. Except deeper into self-loathing and vexation. I had to calm down or I was about to explode. I got up and headed to the hallway leading to Doctor Holiday's office. I needed a walk.

~o~

**Circe's Point of View**

Six, Rex and Holiday came back and Rex headed down the hall after greeting me.

"Six, you've got to do something," I said once Rex was down the hall.

"About what?" six asked.

"Nina's heart is breaking. She was listening to 'A Year Without Rain' right before she left. She's sad. I can't let her stay like this," I replied.

"So what? Is that a song?"

"You clearly haven't heard it. The chorus goes 'I'm missing you so much; can't help it, I'm in love; a day without you is like a year without rain; I need you by my side; don't know how I'll survive; a day without you is like a year without rain'. It made her run, I think, Six. She's about to go over an edge." They were giving me a look. "What? She makes me listen to her music and it grows on me. Not the point! You've got to stop this, whatever it is. Bobo told me about it. We have to stop him."

"One song could do that?"

"Nina's mind is always thinking about things. She's been thinking about things a lot. Music has a funny way of creeping into your soul and being so ironic."

"We can't get involved, Circe. This is between them."

"I can't stand by and let this go. Ugh, I'll deal with this myself. Just wait till she gets back." Rex came in.

"I think she's already back. The red convertible outside is hers but she isn't in her room," he said. He put the box in his hand in his pocket. Nina walked out from the hallway leading to Doctor Holiday's office and stopped when she saw us all there. Her face was looking so anguished, like she was about to cry. Nina never cried.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello, my readers. Language warning for this chapter. Well, not too much but still.**

~o~

**Nina's Point of View**

Walking in and seeing him made the floodgate burst. Maybe I shouldn't have allowed myself to think. I should have never come back. I got angry. Fast. I threw him against a wall before I could think about what I was doing and gave him one punch to the face and one short angry kiss before grabbing him by the collar and holding him to the wall. The tears burst out. I grasped tightly at his collar and kept him shoved up against the wall.

"How could you do this to me? After everything you've said, after everything we've done, how could you afford to play with me like this? All I ever wanted was for you to be honest with me, Rex. If you wanted to break up with me, you should have just fucking said so!" I held him there to the wall and my own curse had slapped me back to sanity. I let go slowly and took two steps back and took two breaths, not daring to meet his face. "If you wanted to hurt me, fine, mission accomplished. I'm losing it. I can't do this anymore, Rex. I'm leaving." I wiped one eye and forced myself to look up at him. His face was contorted in agony. The tears came faster. What did he mean by looking like that?

"Could you at least tell me why, Rex? What's so wrong with me that finally pushed you away. Tell me. I need to know," I said. My mouth needed to shut up. Why wouldn't my mouth just shut up?

"You're bleeding," he said, reaching towards the bandage on my arm.

"Don't touch me! Just tell me what went wrong." My eyes would not stop shedding rivulets and my mouth would not stop talking. I was going to kill myself with shame at this rate. Why couldn't I keep it inside any longer? Sure, the pain in my body felt worse than a million simultaneous bee stings spreading their venom through my body. Why still couldn't I hold onto that pain and keep it locked up? Was I really that weak?

I had to leave now. I couldn't take it. I could say anything else or hit him again or anything if I stayed. I turned and started walking back from where I came. I had to hide until I could get my stuff and run away again.

"I didn't want to hurt you, Nina. I had to make you hate me," he answered, tone strained. I stopped and turned.

"You failed on both accounts, Rex. You made the girl who doesn't cry cry. And I still don't hate you. I want to beat the hell out of you for almost killing me but I still don't hate you. Why would you want me to hate you anyway?"

"I wanted to make you leave me on your own. It would have made it easier for you to move on that way." I narrowed my eyes.

"You're not making any fu—not making any sense. Why? Give me the whole story here."

He exhaled and began to take a step closer but I put a hand up to stop him. My eyes shifted to Six, Holiday and Circe who were there and I felt a headache coming on. I pinched my nose bridge with my fingers. I was making an idiot of myself in front of everybody. Well everybody except Zane, Noah and Bobo, but surely they'd hear of it.

"Maybe they should leave before this gets any messier," I said to him.

"They can stay. It will save me the trouble of having to explain later. They've heard the violent half already." I dropped my hand and looked up at him. I was going to get violent with words again if he didn't hurry up and give me some answers. "You said you needed me. I didn't want to make you suffer if I had another blackout. You deserved to be spared that pain. I decided that I had to live alone in that case. I had to make you let go of me before you had to endure that. I love you too much to make you go through—"

"Wait, so you decimated my ability to exist because you were trying to _protect_ me?" I took four steps closer to him as I asked, "Are you stupid?" I stood in front of him, my tears finally having stopped. "Providence goes out there every day to fight EVOs, even if they know they could die. You don't see them avoiding danger because the risk outweighs the safety of people." His eyes narrowed. "It's the same principle, Rex. You can't live your life unhappy just because you think you'll make other people unhappy. It's not fair to you or to them.

"You once told me to stop making your decisions for you. Now, the shoe is on the other foot. Stop trying to protect me, Rex. You keep getting hurt that way. And, another thing, my love for you isn't weak enough to be discouraged by something as stupid as a memory blackout. You annihilated my heart and I still loved you, for crying out loud. If I had to remind you who I was and what we had a million times, I would. More than willingly. All I need is to stay with you, Rex, even if you don't love me."

"But I do love you."

"Then stop trying to push me away. It hurts me a hell of a lot more than it hurts you. You're the sun of my universe, remember? Without you, everything is out of balance and nothing can go on. You know I don't say things that I don't mean. And I love you."

He seemed to ponder and assimilate what I had just said and his face contorted a tiny bit more in unhappiness.

"Nina, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to cause you so much pain. It was hurting me, too, but I thought it was the right thing. I just...don't want to forget and cause you problems."

"Rex, there are only three things that we can do that are the right things." I raised one finger for each thing. "Wait for after the wedding for the honeymoon, talk things out without making assumptions and trust each other to be perfectly honest while promising to _be_ completely honest." I dropped my hand. "Just promise me you won't ever think like this again. I swear if you try to break up with me without a good reason again, I'm going to beat you so badly that Doctor Holiday will have to keep you in bed for days _and_ you'll see my point."

"Maybe your New Year's resolution should be to be less violent to those you care about."

"It is. Unless they deserve it."

"I'm sorry."

"I forgive you. But you ruined my Christmas."

"I'll make it better. I promise."

He took a box from his pocket and clasped a chain behind my neck. When I looked down, it was a tag identical to the one I had given him with my name on it.

"Rex, it's beautiful," I said.

"It's steel, white gold and silver. Flip it over," Six said. On the other side the words '_Core to Rex's World_' were engraved.

"I thought we agreed to only engrave one side," Rex said to him.

"I knew it was only a matter of time before you made up. You two are too perfect for each other," he answered. "In any case, this could have helped the reunion along." I cracked a smile.

"Wow, Six. Those are the most sentimental words I've ever heard you say. Never thought I'd live to see the day."

"You didn't." I laughed.

"Of course. Thank you all." I looked back at Rex. "Now we match."

"Nina, we always matched," he replied. He took me into a hug but then I remembered him saying something about blood.

"Wait, I'm bleeding, aren't I?"

"Don't care. I won't let go." He held me tightly for a long moment, his lips on my hair. The tears came back long enough for two more to escape. But I was happy this time.

Applause sounded behind us and I turned to see Zane, smiling and clapping.

"How long have you been here?" I asked.

"Since Circe was yelling about helping you two get back together. Once I saw you slam him into a wall, I hid and watched the whole thing. I wasn't going to miss the show. Why else do you think those three stayed? They love dramas as much as I do. I'm shocked you actually swore at Rex," he said.

"Technically, I did not swear at him. It wasn't directed at him. It wasn't an adjective." I turned to Rex. "Sorry about that and for hitting you." He shrugged.

"You were still talking to him, though. Anyway, this is the part where you wait till everyone leaves and say 'F you' to me and I say 'how hard' and all that."

"I haven't said that to you in months."

"True, but you also haven't used that word in a few weeks till today. And to answer your next question, I'm here to hang out until Mass in an hour."

"In an hour? Shoot, I forgot. I've got to go get ready."

"In a minute," Rex said, still holding onto me. "Where'd you get the injury?" I stepped back and removed the bandage, revealing the three inch cut on my arm that was dripping blood through a hole in the bandage's adhesive. I probably strained it when I had Rex by his collar.

"Knife fight. I accidentally got caught in the middle. It's just a scratch, don't worry."

"Oh, that's right, where've you been?"

"I went to Avis Bay for a while but then I went to the next town to earn back some money. That _BMW_ was not cheap."

"Duh, it's a _BMW_." His eyes went soft and he took the bandage from me and placed it carefully back over it. "I missed you. So much."

"I missed you, too. I was using something as dangerous as gambling as a distraction and look what happened." I looked at his hands. "You have my blood all over your hands."

"I don't care." His arms were around me after that and his lips were on mine and I lost it. My tongue went straight for his the moment our lips were close around each other's. There were no soft touches or light strokes. I went at him with all the tension and desire in my body, tangling and rubbing forcefully. Zane was going to have my head for that. I'd deal with him later. My body was alive again with the feeling of him against me and his taste in my mouth. He was sweet as ecstasy.

He withdrew first and I carefully removed my tongue from his before our lips parted so no one would notice.

"Nina. Hello. Church," Zane said, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, right." I ran towards the hall, stopping in front of Six and Holiday, the latter of which was smiling. "Sorry you had to see and hear all that. I lost it."

"It's fine. I'm just glad everything is okay again," Holiday said.

"I'd have loved to see you beat him up though," Circe said. I laughed and ran down the hall to get to the bathroom.

In a half hour, I was ready and re-emerging. I found them all in the cafeteria playing cards, except Rex. A hand came over my shoulder and I turned to see Rex. His hair was still wet and he was dressed semi-formal. He gave me a small kiss to the lips.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"Church."

"Since when?"

"Oh, come on, I just want to try it."

"I can't imagine you trying to pay attention to that for two hours. You can't even pay attention to mission briefings."

"Well, I can't imagine you sitting quietly for two hours but apparently you can do it." I laughed. Zane looked up from his cards then looked back at them.

"Look who," he said. "You are one brave son-of-a to stick your tongue in Rex's mouth like that in front of Six and Holiday. Aren't they like your parents?"

"You have no proof."

"Interesting first time, though," Zane said, eyes still on his cards.

"That wasn't the first time," Rex muttered. Holiday and Six looked from their cards to him and I chuckled.

"It wasn't? You never told me!" Zane said, looking hurt.

"Remember that time we all went to the beach?" His face turned shocked.

"_That_ was the first time? I didn't even notice!"

"Hey, mom and dad don't want to hear this. Shh. Get up. We've got to go to church."

"Yeah, you need church."

"Nice one to be talking. I know worse things about you—"

"Beheheh. We do not speak of it." He stood. "Bo-meister, take my place, okay?"

"You got it," the monkey said from behind us, going to take his cards.

"_Al iglesia, vamanos_," he said.

"Let's take my car," I suggested. He scoffed.

"You didn't have a choice. We were taking it anyway."

"Can I drive?" Rex asked.

"Sure. But if you so much as scratch it, I'm going to make you walk." He saluted and we were on our way.


	9. Chapter 9

~o~

**Nina's Point of View**

Rex was oddly very attentive all Mass long and his attentive face was simply adorable. Afterwards, I introduced him to a few little old ladies I was acquainted with who all told me that they thought he was cute and wished us all the best. When we rolled out of the church yard, a familiar song began to play on the radio and I saw the wary look cross Rex's look as I started singing along.

"You don't like this song?" I asked.

"You were listening to it right before you ran out of your room and disappeared for a week."

"Well, I told you I love sad music. This is a beautiful song."

"It is. I like it. I just...it reminds me of how much I hurt you." I leaned my head on his shoulder and continued singing.

"Remember how much I like it instead. Let it remind you of what you promised me."

"Could you let Rex focus on the road, please? Dying does not sound like a good idea right now. I'd like to survive to see the New Year," Zane said from the backseat.

Six, Holiday, Circe, Noah, Bobo, Rex and I sat on top of the Providence building and watched the fireworks light up the sky from town. The wind blew through my hair and Rex's hand warmed mine. I felt so happy to be there with everyone, that the thing keeping me from Rex was behind us and that a New Year was upon us. I wondered what lay ahead for us.

At about half one, Zane dropped Noah home and we all headed to bed. Rex headed to my room with me, hand in mine and we took out time getting there. We had made sure to get Six and Holiday to their rooms first and then, knowing we were the last ones about, we took our time walking through the halls. The door to my room opened and I pulled him in and let the door close behind us. I put my arms around him and his came around me and his lips were touching mine in less than a second.

The kiss was strong and urgent, sweet and very much overdue. The sensation of his lips responding strongly with mine and his arms tightly around me was smooth and seductive. His hunger was being fed into me. He was taking as much as he was giving. My own hunger was growing with his. Our passions were blending until they became one. I could read him and he could read me. Everything was exposed at this moment, everything in our hearts and our heads. It was like a two-way channel had been opened just by being lip-locked.

I broke away and watched his eyes dance with a wildfire that I was pleased to know I started.

"Sit," I told him. He obeyed and I tugged his jacket from his shoulders and he took it off. His strong, thick arms were mostly visible to me now. Rex was so beautiful to look at. I wondered if I could get him out of his shirt, too, but decided not to press my luck. I sat on his lap facing him, my legs on either side of him and he didn't seem to object. I just looked into his eyes for a long time. They were hungry...and curious.

"We aren't going to break any rules, right?" he asked.

"Nope. Just bend them a little." He smiled and his hand was on my thigh and I gave him back a half-smile. "I trust you." His lips came to mine again, still hungry, still passionate, still fiery and still purely spectacular. Wherever this boy learned to kiss, his teacher deserved kudos. Although he had cited me as his first kiss as far as he knew. If I really was, it just went to show how good we were together.

My hands roamed his solid, strong arms once before wrapping tightly around his neck. I leaned into him and he fell onto the bed, taking me with him. His hand roamed to my back and his fingers were stroking the spot where my scar was. His body and mine were pressed against each other. My breath began to thin and he broke our kiss. I moved my lips to his neck where I left a soft kiss but then stayed there, feeling his strong pulse. He sighed. He ducked his head down and brushed his lips on the spot of my neck below my ear.

"Just don't bite me," he said. I laughed.

"I gave up being a vampire years ago, don't worry." He laughed back.

"Good for me then." I sighed in contentment and allowed his scent to wash over me. "Are you tired?"

"No. I'm just...happy."

"Me, too. I'm happy we're together again. This is like reunion number two."

"Well, technically we weren't broken up. Just...not really talking...on your part anyway."

"I'm sorry—"

"Shoosh, shoosh, shoosh. We're over that. I'm just happy that I get to spend the New Year with you."

"Oh, yeah, why's that?" I looked up and he had a mischievous look on his face.

"Because for some odd reason, despite your vanity, recklessness, odd sense of humour and tendency to think you can control everything, I've fallen deeply in love with you."

"_Odd_ sense of humour? What would you say about yours? By the way, you just described yourself there."

"Maybe, but I think you love me."

"But I do love you. A lot."

"But since I'm so much like you, doesn't that prove how vain you are?"

"But since we're so alike doesn't that prove how vain _you_ are?"

"Maybe. But I'll tell you a little secret."

"Yeah? I like secrets."

"I think I love you just a little more than I love me. You know, just a little." He ran a hand through my hair.

"Really? I think I can relate to that."

"We can't stay like this all night, can we? Six and Holi'll have a heart attack if they find us."

"Maybe just another hour?"

"Yeah. Another hour. Sounds good." I removed my legs from his sides and stretched them out. "Wait, you should turn." He laughed and I tried to roll off of him but he kept me to him and shifted with me on him, totally messing up the bedspread. Maybe I should have cared. Maybe I should have thought that letting him stay there with no space between us was dangerous. Perhaps I should have gone to sleep a long time ago to be able to get up early as usual tomorrow. None of that mattered. I was too content.

"Hey, Rex?"

"Yeah, Nina?"

"Can we last forever?"

"Yeah. I'd like that."

"Me, too."


End file.
